We may dance in relationships, paralleling, mirroring, and connecting in ways that are incredibly synchronistic. Yet, the drive for creating drama in relationships runs rampant in our society, and hugely impacts our personal health and the health of others in negative ways. We tend to bring forward the wounds from our personal back story when we remain unaware and unconsious of what may be pervasive imprints and the ways in which these wounds are repeated over and over in our life. When our wounds seemingly join forces with the ego (inside of each one of us) that longs to be right, the potential for drama can be quite high. To add more fuel for drama, we may wound others in the way in which we have been wounded. The cycle keeps going unless we actively choose to shift and stop the cycle.
We may get triggered by someone’s behavior and react in some way. If we are honest with ourselves, we are likely feeling mad, sad, or afraid – or a combination of these core feelings. Checking in with ourselves about the feelings we are experiencing may not come naturally, and we may minimize or deny the feelings that surface/fester within us concerning the interaction with the individual/situation that triggers our big feelings. If we acknolwedge our feelings in the current triggering situation, we may be within reach of remembering and acknowledging the earlier wounds and potentially the first wound that may have been the originating force of this themed pattern. As the wounds accumulate over and over throughout our life, we may lose more and more parts of ourselves and unconsciously attach to defensive mechanisms that continue to distance us from who we really are. No wonder we may feel in desperate search of finding the parts of us that feel lost to us. The mere act of feeling triggered into our feelings is for us – an opportunity to receive layers of healing for the wounds that remain firmly tethered to us. It’s as if the potential for our healing is given to us on a silver platter when in the presence of a triggering situation/person. If we could only remember this when we face these dynamics…
Given that we can remain unaware of the wounds we carry, that we can react in unconscious ways, that the ego inside of us can get so ramped up and crave to be right, and that we tend to wound others similiarly to the ways in which we’ve been wounded – it’s our time to realize that we have the propensity to create drama and destruction with those who surround us in life unless we proactively choose otherwise. A part of us may have left (physically, emotionally, energetically) when we experienced wounding because wounds literally shock us in ways that keep us from being present. Owning our feelings, connecting with the wounds that surface from our past, and finding ways to take care of ourselves (e.g. creating safety by way of boundaries, etc.) may be the guiding forces that support us to stay present. We are literally waking up. In so doing, we may choose to come from a place of compassion for ourselves rather than criticism/judgment. As we heal and gain back these parts of us that left at the time the wounding experiences happened to us, we may be more likely to find ways to stay present in our body, our relationships and other aspects of life.
The threads that weave our current story with our back story tie together, highlighting specific themes that resonate throughout our life. When we consider all the threads and connections that comprise our individual life story, we may begin to realize that we are profoundly one in our collective wounding when it comes to our sads, mads and afraids. As we experience compassion for ourselves, we may more easily find open windows for experiencing compassion with others. In light of the amount of negative energy that is fueled by our unresolved wounds and the ego within us that strives to prove itself right, may we shift this unconscious existence and find ways to show compassion to ourselves and others. Our healing, the health of our families, and the wellbeing of our nation and world – depend on it. The imagery of shifting sands come to mind, shifting with the movement, and with it, a sense of stability to stay in the present. For me, the ocean gently brings the return of the rhythmed-pacing waves. It’s as if the pulsing waves are returning home, similiar to the way in which we may return home by returning to be here, present and conscious.
Jules Steffen, LMHC, CHT, PPN, EFT 