As children, we need protection, care, attention, compassion, affection, kindness and a commitment to communicate. When our early needs are met, we retain within us what we received such that we can offer it outward to our children and in our relationships. If our needs are not met as children, an imprint is established early on that includes a deep longing for getting our early needs met, and the longing continues as we move through adulthood. Our life can get quite chaotic when we try to get others to satisfy our needs that didn’t get filled early on. It’s not about creating blame toward those who wounded us because blame doesn’t solve anything, but it is about creating safety and spaces for personal healing and empowerment.
The ways in which we as children were deprived, negated, minimized, mistreated, and abused, have huge impacts on the ways in which we live our lives and interact in our relationships. The hole within us is in constant wait of being filled and satisfied. We may expect others to fill the hole within us, but it isn’t theirs to fill. That’s our responsibility as adults to claim and embrace the healing path that is ours – for ourselves. If we are to claim our healing journey, it’s all about creating within us one who commits to meet the needs within us that have been long awaiting the experiences of being filled.
The journey may likely include facing the feelings that we buried deep within in an effort to keep ourselves safe. The journey may also likely include finding our way toward honoring and respecting ourselves such that we may increase our self care and protective measures for our daily and ongoing physical and emotional safety. Experiencing compassion for the child within us who may have been so deeply wounded is integral to the healing process and it’s beginnings may begin to manifest as a licensed therapist walks alongside as an enlightened witness to the suffering that has taken place.
What makes the wounding so deeply impactful within us is that no one may have known the gravity of what was happening for us when the woundings began very early on. We may have felt so alone in it all, powerless, and unable to create safety for ourselves. So, having an enlightened witness by way of a therapist/licensed counselor brings light to the issues that have remained hidden for so long. As we bring light to what may have been hidden for so long, our bodies may find the relief, relaxation, and freedom that was unavailable to us for so long.
When we think we don’t deserve to heal and we believe we are unworthy to feel good about ourselves, it’s the wounding that drives our mistaken beliefs. We have attached to the wounding which is likened to a veil, and as a result, we cannot see ourselves accurately. This too becomes part of the healing journey, a process that is all about finding out who we really are.
Jules Steffen, LMHC, CHT, PPN 